I think the bigger question is, why is she even working?
USA Today reports a very disgruntled Lindsay Lohan stormed out of the Los Angeles premiere of her latest film, Disney’s Herbie: Fully Loaded. The Mean Girls star, who always manages to make the tabloid headlines one way or another, was upset because a song she recorded specifically for the final race scene found its way as the featured song of the end credits instead.
So wait, they still recorded it? It was still presented to the public? That’s more than any song, movie or haiku poem she makes deserves.
Lohan, 18, explained to the paper, "I was like, 'Whoaaa,' because nobody stays to hear the song in the closing credits. So I ran out." That’s a little ironic considering she wanted people to stay for the credits and be tortured.
Lohan’s handlers for the evening took the actress to the washroom for a 12-minute cool down. Okay, no offence to Skinny McGee or Chesty LaRoo, whatever we’re calling her, but it’s not as though she saw Johnny walking into the party with Judy on his arm. Someone doing their job moved a song into the end credits – deal.
She did, however, explain why the song had some significance to her. "I recorded it right before I got sick and went to the hospital [in October, for 'exhaustion']. And then I shot the video for it and re-sprained my ankle. I pushed myself to get it done for the movie when I probably should have waited."
Boo-fuckin’ hoo!
6.23.2005
6.20.2005
Dear Ms. Lopez
Princess J.Lo has high demands and low talent
Former Fly Girl makes outrageous demand on set
Dear Ms. Lopez,
It has come to our attention that your 15 minutes of fame have over exceeded their expiry date by about 15 years. We also require you return your inflated ego as well as a personal apology to the general public for wasting our time.
Sincerely,
Your Mom
For someone who says she’s just “Jenny from the block,” makes me think that “the block” is actually a villa of spoiled brats who didn’t get that ugly yellow Mustang convertible when they turned sweet sixteen. Actress Jennifer Lopez (and I use the term “actress” loosely) is displeased with her accommodations on the set of the independent film Bordertown starring opposite Antonio Banderas.
The diva has allegedly demanded a luxury motor home and a private villa as well is determined to have her hairdresser Oribe’s $10,000/day charge be taken out of the film’s budget.
Can someone please explain to me why this woman (and I use the term “woman” loosely) is famous? The Maid in Manhattan starlet has agreed to star in the low-budget film being shot in Mexico as a favour to director Gregory Nava, who made her breakthrough film Selena. If by “favour” you mean pamper her fat a$$, then yes, this must be the nicest thing she has ever done for another human being. It’s a surprise she didn’t order a bunch of baby seal pups to be shipped in and clubbed in front of her for her enjoyment – it’s the only way she can work.
Former Fly Girl makes outrageous demand on set
Dear Ms. Lopez,
It has come to our attention that your 15 minutes of fame have over exceeded their expiry date by about 15 years. We also require you return your inflated ego as well as a personal apology to the general public for wasting our time.
Sincerely,
Your Mom
For someone who says she’s just “Jenny from the block,” makes me think that “the block” is actually a villa of spoiled brats who didn’t get that ugly yellow Mustang convertible when they turned sweet sixteen. Actress Jennifer Lopez (and I use the term “actress” loosely) is displeased with her accommodations on the set of the independent film Bordertown starring opposite Antonio Banderas.
The diva has allegedly demanded a luxury motor home and a private villa as well is determined to have her hairdresser Oribe’s $10,000/day charge be taken out of the film’s budget.
Can someone please explain to me why this woman (and I use the term “woman” loosely) is famous? The Maid in Manhattan starlet has agreed to star in the low-budget film being shot in Mexico as a favour to director Gregory Nava, who made her breakthrough film Selena. If by “favour” you mean pamper her fat a$$, then yes, this must be the nicest thing she has ever done for another human being. It’s a surprise she didn’t order a bunch of baby seal pups to be shipped in and clubbed in front of her for her enjoyment – it’s the only way she can work.
6.19.2005
Baby, Baby, Baby
Mmm, you're so pretty,
Not to talk to you would be a crime.
Aah, let me put my arms around you,
Just wanna use up a little of your time.
(And I go -)
Baby baby baby,
Baby baby baby,
Baby baby baby,
Won't you be my girl.
Aah, your eyes are so pretty,
And the clothes you wear they're so fine.
Hey won't you come round to my place
Just wanna use up a little of your time.
(And I go -)
Baby baby baby,
Won't you be my girl.
Baby baby baby,
Won't you be my girl.
Baby baby baby,
Won't you be my girl.
...
-- The Vibrators - Baby, Baby
Not to talk to you would be a crime.
Aah, let me put my arms around you,
Just wanna use up a little of your time.
(And I go -)
Baby baby baby,
Baby baby baby,
Baby baby baby,
Won't you be my girl.
Aah, your eyes are so pretty,
And the clothes you wear they're so fine.
Hey won't you come round to my place
Just wanna use up a little of your time.
(And I go -)
Baby baby baby,
Won't you be my girl.
Baby baby baby,
Won't you be my girl.
Baby baby baby,
Won't you be my girl.
...
-- The Vibrators - Baby, Baby
6.17.2005
A classic love story
Some guy is engaged to some girl
Tom Cruise pops the question as well as his insanity pills
So it’s official. Ken divorces Barbie and proposes to Skipper - a classic love story. Did I say love story? I meant porn - if you replace "divorces" with “invites” and "and propose to" with "to violate". Tom Cruise finally popped the question to Katie Holmes (I say "finally" as if 2 months was way too long of a wait). The setting was perfect - atop the Eiffel Tower early this morning with just him, her, the sun and that massive rock that currently resides on Joey’s finger.
The happy couple announced their engagement after numerous wedding bell rumours at a conference in the City of Lights while he was promoting War of the Worlds.
"It was early this morning at the Eiffel Tower, so I haven't slept at all," Cruise said. "Today is a magnificent day for me, I'm engaged to a magnificent woman."
Though both Captain Smiles and his sidekick Giggles were showing nothing shy of complete happiness, Holmes did not speak to reporters and at one point the Top Gun star asked her if she was ok. Clearly a bit overwhelming for the Batman Begins actress whose love affair with Cruise has been under the microscope since going public in April.
On a plus side, Holmes' conversion to Scientology will make the pair's group wedding ceremony all the more special. Also stayed tune for next week for the next chapter titled "Captain Smiles and Giggles: And Baby Makes Three".
Tom Cruise pops the question as well as his insanity pills
So it’s official. Ken divorces Barbie and proposes to Skipper - a classic love story. Did I say love story? I meant porn - if you replace "divorces" with “invites” and "and propose to" with "to violate". Tom Cruise finally popped the question to Katie Holmes (I say "finally" as if 2 months was way too long of a wait). The setting was perfect - atop the Eiffel Tower early this morning with just him, her, the sun and that massive rock that currently resides on Joey’s finger.
The happy couple announced their engagement after numerous wedding bell rumours at a conference in the City of Lights while he was promoting War of the Worlds.
"It was early this morning at the Eiffel Tower, so I haven't slept at all," Cruise said. "Today is a magnificent day for me, I'm engaged to a magnificent woman."
Though both Captain Smiles and his sidekick Giggles were showing nothing shy of complete happiness, Holmes did not speak to reporters and at one point the Top Gun star asked her if she was ok. Clearly a bit overwhelming for the Batman Begins actress whose love affair with Cruise has been under the microscope since going public in April.
On a plus side, Holmes' conversion to Scientology will make the pair's group wedding ceremony all the more special. Also stayed tune for next week for the next chapter titled "Captain Smiles and Giggles: And Baby Makes Three".
6.16.2005
Shine until tomorrow
When I find myself in times of trouble, mother Mary comes to me,
speaking words of wisdom, let it be.
And in my hour of darkness she is standing right in front of me,
speaking words of wisdom, let it be.
Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be.
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be.
And when the broken hearted people living in the world agree,
there will be an answer, let it be.
For though they may be parted there is still a chance that they will see,
there will be an answer. let it be.
Let it be, let it be, .....
And when the night is cloudy, there is still a light, that shines on me,
shine until tomorrow, let it be.
I wake up to the sound of music, mother Mary comes to me,
speaking words of wisdom, let it be.
Let it be, let it be, .....
speaking words of wisdom, let it be.
And in my hour of darkness she is standing right in front of me,
speaking words of wisdom, let it be.
Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be.
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be.
And when the broken hearted people living in the world agree,
there will be an answer, let it be.
For though they may be parted there is still a chance that they will see,
there will be an answer. let it be.
Let it be, let it be, .....
And when the night is cloudy, there is still a light, that shines on me,
shine until tomorrow, let it be.
I wake up to the sound of music, mother Mary comes to me,
speaking words of wisdom, let it be.
Let it be, let it be, .....
6.13.2005
TomKat!!!
Over exposure of TomKat relationship may harm film
In case you haven’t heard, Tom Cruise is involved with Katie Holmes. Also in case you haven’t heard, Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes have sure-fire blockbuster hits coming out this summer. This public relationship has spawned a media frenzy that has people skeptical that the pairing is sincere and that their public display of affection is just an attention-getter. Producers of Cruise’s War of the Worlds are particularly concerned that this kind of publicity is damaging the film.
Martin Levy, an executive at DreamWorks, the studio behind the film, fears the actor's romantic outbursts are stealing headlines away from the Steven Spielberg movie. He says, "You can have so much attention on a particular issue that maybe the movie doesn't get as much attention as it might. It's the topic of conversation for other reasons."
It’s a shame because quite frankly, a Tom Cruise/Steven Spielberg film doesn’t need any publicity stunt to get people to watch their movie. Heck, throw their names on a box of rat poison and I’ll eat it. I also believe Batman Begins didn’t need a push. This much anticipated film stars Christian Bale, Morgan Freeman, Liam Neesan, Gary Oldman, Ken Watanabe, Michael Caine, Cillian Murphy, Rudger Hauer and then tack Katie Holmes’ name at the end of that list. If this relationship were a stunt, it would only be in Holmes’ favour. I mean her claim to fame is playing a c*ck-tease on crack…or is it the Creek…something like that. She must’ve sold her soul to the Devil and made a deal because now it’s rumoured that she will play Wonder Woman in the upcoming film directed by Joss Whedon (of Buffy the Vampire Slayer fame).
Oh Joey, at what time will you abscond?
In case you haven’t heard, Tom Cruise is involved with Katie Holmes. Also in case you haven’t heard, Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes have sure-fire blockbuster hits coming out this summer. This public relationship has spawned a media frenzy that has people skeptical that the pairing is sincere and that their public display of affection is just an attention-getter. Producers of Cruise’s War of the Worlds are particularly concerned that this kind of publicity is damaging the film.
Martin Levy, an executive at DreamWorks, the studio behind the film, fears the actor's romantic outbursts are stealing headlines away from the Steven Spielberg movie. He says, "You can have so much attention on a particular issue that maybe the movie doesn't get as much attention as it might. It's the topic of conversation for other reasons."
It’s a shame because quite frankly, a Tom Cruise/Steven Spielberg film doesn’t need any publicity stunt to get people to watch their movie. Heck, throw their names on a box of rat poison and I’ll eat it. I also believe Batman Begins didn’t need a push. This much anticipated film stars Christian Bale, Morgan Freeman, Liam Neesan, Gary Oldman, Ken Watanabe, Michael Caine, Cillian Murphy, Rudger Hauer and then tack Katie Holmes’ name at the end of that list. If this relationship were a stunt, it would only be in Holmes’ favour. I mean her claim to fame is playing a c*ck-tease on crack…or is it the Creek…something like that. She must’ve sold her soul to the Devil and made a deal because now it’s rumoured that she will play Wonder Woman in the upcoming film directed by Joss Whedon (of Buffy the Vampire Slayer fame).
Oh Joey, at what time will you abscond?
6.09.2005
The Superficial
This deserves an honourable mention:
Hollywood is full of whores
According to a guy I’ve never heard of who produces movies I’ve never heard of, “There really is a ‘casting couch’ in the movie business, according to Chris Hanley … best known for (producing) "American Psycho," "Buffalo 66" and "The Virgin Suicides." "Almost every leading actress in all of my 24 films has slept with a director or a producer or a leading actor to get the part that launched her career," said Hanley. His leading ladies have included Kirsten Dunst, Scarlett Johanssen, Brooke Shields, Christina Ricci and Kathleen Turner.
This story, courtesy of the New York Post, has Scarlet Johansson on the list, but I’ll be dammed if I can see a film they made together. If there is one, it’s not listed on IMDB. I do find it horrifying that he would infer that he possibly had sex with Kirsten Dunst. I can’t honestly say I’ve ever had my penis in a bear trap, but the idea is a hell of a lot more appealing than my penis in that troll. At least I could put some lipstick on the bear trap and kinda make it look like a human girl. Good luck doing that with Kirsten Dunst. Seriously, If I had to choose between sex with Kirsten Dunst or a dead Philippino boy, I would at least find out what the kid died off.
Hollywood is full of whores
According to a guy I’ve never heard of who produces movies I’ve never heard of, “There really is a ‘casting couch’ in the movie business, according to Chris Hanley … best known for (producing) "American Psycho," "Buffalo 66" and "The Virgin Suicides." "Almost every leading actress in all of my 24 films has slept with a director or a producer or a leading actor to get the part that launched her career," said Hanley. His leading ladies have included Kirsten Dunst, Scarlett Johanssen, Brooke Shields, Christina Ricci and Kathleen Turner.
This story, courtesy of the New York Post, has Scarlet Johansson on the list, but I’ll be dammed if I can see a film they made together. If there is one, it’s not listed on IMDB. I do find it horrifying that he would infer that he possibly had sex with Kirsten Dunst. I can’t honestly say I’ve ever had my penis in a bear trap, but the idea is a hell of a lot more appealing than my penis in that troll. At least I could put some lipstick on the bear trap and kinda make it look like a human girl. Good luck doing that with Kirsten Dunst. Seriously, If I had to choose between sex with Kirsten Dunst or a dead Philippino boy, I would at least find out what the kid died off.
6.07.2005
Kenya
http://www.weebls-stuff.com/toons/kenya/
I don't know why....it's the most retarded thing in the world but it makes me smile. Hmmmm, what's wrong with smiling? :)
I don't know why....it's the most retarded thing in the world but it makes me smile. Hmmmm, what's wrong with smiling? :)
I Heart Russell Crowe
Russell Crowe arrested
Wait a minute…this isn’t like Cinderella at all! Oh, unless it’s the version where Cinderella throws a telephone at a concierge.
What feces are to monkeys, telephones are to Russell Crowe. That delightful Aussie actor Russell Crowe is at it again with his public tantrums and his throwing of the telephones.
The Gladiator star is facing serious charges of assault and criminal possession of a weapon following an incident in New York’s Mercer Hotel. Crowe allegedly lost his temper with the concierge when the man failed to connect the Oscar winner’s phone call to his family in Australia. The result? A telephone in the face causing minor laceration.
Following his arrest, Crowe appeared at New York City's Manhattan Criminal Court after being interviewed by investigating officers, and his defense lawyer Gerald Lefcourt argued that the charges brought against his client are completely out of character. Lefcourt said, "He [Crowe] has never been arrested in this country. He is very, very charitable, a decent human being with an excellent background."
Oh I totally believe that. Here’s a short list I’ve compiled of his very charitable actions:
- Director Ron Howard adjusts scheduling of Cinderella Man shoot because of Crowe’s mood swings (May 2004)
- Crowe banned cast and crew from going anywhere near his trailer on the set of Cinderella Man (May 2004)
- Got into a fight with one of his bodyguards (August 2004)
- Accused of groping women in Canadian bar (July 2004)
- Lost temper with waitress for offering him a snack (November 2003)
- Damaged hotel room after a party (June 2003)
- Voted “Coldest Person in Hollywood” (November 2002)
- Lost temper at restaurant because he couldn’t get chicken (November 2002)
- Involved in boozy restaurant brawl (Tuesdays)
God, I heart him so much.
Crowe was subsequently released without bail and ordered to return to court on September 14. Crowe could face up to seven years in prison if found guilty of all charges against him. Until then, waitresses, concierge and the human race alike will be safe…but for how long?
6.06.2005
“Bring on the computer guys," said Chesty Laroo
Lohan has offensive boobs
If only we can digitally reduce her lack of talent
Is there anything computers can’t do? Online banking, booking trips, downloading... er... listening to perfectly legal streaming music… Now Disney has gone into their upcoming film Herbie: Fully Loaded to digitally reduce the size of actress Lindsay Lohan’s breasts. Funny, I’m always trying to enhance mine.
Test screenings have shown that some parents were offended by Lohan’s fully loaded chest that no doubt brought an unwanted Baywatch feel to the flick. The character Maggie Peyton was apparently too raunchy for the children’s film with her low-cut shirts and her bouncing around like the champaign room was going out of style. The technicians at Casa Disney had to plough through numerous scenes to reduce her breasts by two-cup sizes. The extra work in post-production probably called for the most skilled digital artists with a strict attention to detail and patience to perfect the scenes with the bountiful actress jumping up and down
…ahem…
Regardless, the Mean Girls actress was amused by her digital boob job. "I don't know how Renee Zellweger kept swelling and shrinking for Bridget Jones. It's no fun. Bring on the computer guys."
Hmmm… “Bring on the computer guys”… I smell next week’s Lohan headline!
If only we can digitally reduce her lack of talent
Is there anything computers can’t do? Online banking, booking trips, downloading... er... listening to perfectly legal streaming music… Now Disney has gone into their upcoming film Herbie: Fully Loaded to digitally reduce the size of actress Lindsay Lohan’s breasts. Funny, I’m always trying to enhance mine.
Test screenings have shown that some parents were offended by Lohan’s fully loaded chest that no doubt brought an unwanted Baywatch feel to the flick. The character Maggie Peyton was apparently too raunchy for the children’s film with her low-cut shirts and her bouncing around like the champaign room was going out of style. The technicians at Casa Disney had to plough through numerous scenes to reduce her breasts by two-cup sizes. The extra work in post-production probably called for the most skilled digital artists with a strict attention to detail and patience to perfect the scenes with the bountiful actress jumping up and down
…ahem…
Regardless, the Mean Girls actress was amused by her digital boob job. "I don't know how Renee Zellweger kept swelling and shrinking for Bridget Jones. It's no fun. Bring on the computer guys."
Hmmm… “Bring on the computer guys”… I smell next week’s Lohan headline!
6.01.2005
Back From Writing Hiatus
Hollywood in a Nutshell
The 3 R’s of Hollywood gossip that’s stirring up the week
I’m not one to gossip [insert LOL here], but I’m always interested in what’s shaking up Hollywood, probably because it makes my life all the more tolerable.
RELATIONSHIPS
How much do we love hearing about the shenanigans and going-ons of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes? Word on the strip according to New York Post is that Ken and Skipper are engaged which Holmes’ reps are denying. This claim may have something to do with Cruise’s lovesick seizure on The Oprah Winfrey Show about a week ago. The Top Gun star was jumping up and down shouting “I’m so in love” before devouring Oprah and the first two rows of the audience during the commercial break.
Speaking of engagements and eating, Paris Hilton is set to wed her boyfriend of six-months Paris Latsis. About a month ago, Hilton had said she was ready to start a family, as that would finally complete her life. Now she is one step closer – God have mercy on our souls. Latsis apparently proposed to the heiress on Wednesday after her return from a three-week Euro trip promoting House of Wax.
RELATIVES
Lindsay Lohan’s father, Michael, will serve up to four years in jail after pleading guilty to drink driving, attempted assault, aggravated harassment and criminal contempt. Papa Lohan was caught driving under the influence using a suspended license as well as threatening his family (estranged wife Dina, kids and brother-in-law) and violating his court restraining order when he drove by his wife’s house. He was denied his request to enter rehab instead of serving time. Move over Tom Sizemore, we may have a new “Man of the Year” here.
REUNIONS
On a lighter side of Hollywood, a couple of reunions are in the works. Don’t you…forget about The Breakfast Club. That’s right! MTV is looking to reunite the Brain, the Princess, the Criminal, the Jock and the Basketcase (also known as Anthony Michael Hall, Molly Ringwald, Judd Nelson, Emilio Estevez and Ally Sheedy) at the 2005 MTV Movie Awards airing June 9. Brat pack members of the classic John Hughes teen dramedy have all confirmed except for Emilio who we can only assume/pray is pining for that Mighty Ducks prequel instead – that’s the only excuse you get Mr. Estevez!
Also, Jane Fonda has made a great Hollywood comeback with her role in Monster-In-Law starring opposite Jennifer Lopez. Now the political activist is in negotiations to reprise her role in a sequel to the hit 1980 movie Nine to Five possibly titled (get this) Nine to Five-Thirty. Her co-stars in the film, Lily Tomlin and Dolly Parton would star alongside Fonda in the possible sequel, as they have been willing and ready for some time – suggested new title? “We Need Work”.
The 3 R’s of Hollywood gossip that’s stirring up the week
I’m not one to gossip [insert LOL here], but I’m always interested in what’s shaking up Hollywood, probably because it makes my life all the more tolerable.
RELATIONSHIPS
How much do we love hearing about the shenanigans and going-ons of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes? Word on the strip according to New York Post is that Ken and Skipper are engaged which Holmes’ reps are denying. This claim may have something to do with Cruise’s lovesick seizure on The Oprah Winfrey Show about a week ago. The Top Gun star was jumping up and down shouting “I’m so in love” before devouring Oprah and the first two rows of the audience during the commercial break.
Speaking of engagements and eating, Paris Hilton is set to wed her boyfriend of six-months Paris Latsis. About a month ago, Hilton had said she was ready to start a family, as that would finally complete her life. Now she is one step closer – God have mercy on our souls. Latsis apparently proposed to the heiress on Wednesday after her return from a three-week Euro trip promoting House of Wax.
RELATIVES
Lindsay Lohan’s father, Michael, will serve up to four years in jail after pleading guilty to drink driving, attempted assault, aggravated harassment and criminal contempt. Papa Lohan was caught driving under the influence using a suspended license as well as threatening his family (estranged wife Dina, kids and brother-in-law) and violating his court restraining order when he drove by his wife’s house. He was denied his request to enter rehab instead of serving time. Move over Tom Sizemore, we may have a new “Man of the Year” here.
REUNIONS
On a lighter side of Hollywood, a couple of reunions are in the works. Don’t you…forget about The Breakfast Club. That’s right! MTV is looking to reunite the Brain, the Princess, the Criminal, the Jock and the Basketcase (also known as Anthony Michael Hall, Molly Ringwald, Judd Nelson, Emilio Estevez and Ally Sheedy) at the 2005 MTV Movie Awards airing June 9. Brat pack members of the classic John Hughes teen dramedy have all confirmed except for Emilio who we can only assume/pray is pining for that Mighty Ducks prequel instead – that’s the only excuse you get Mr. Estevez!
Also, Jane Fonda has made a great Hollywood comeback with her role in Monster-In-Law starring opposite Jennifer Lopez. Now the political activist is in negotiations to reprise her role in a sequel to the hit 1980 movie Nine to Five possibly titled (get this) Nine to Five-Thirty. Her co-stars in the film, Lily Tomlin and Dolly Parton would star alongside Fonda in the possible sequel, as they have been willing and ready for some time – suggested new title? “We Need Work”.
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