5.26.2005
Kinda like Jesus...
When told there was a random fact site about him, Vin Diesel smiled, laughed a bit, then ascended into the sky, kinda like Jesus but better.
5.15.2005
Vin Diesel: Revisited
Vin Diesel killed Bill Cosby. Bill Cosby is not yet aware of this, as Vin Diesel has not chosen to make this death known.
Leap years are caused by Vin Diesel holding the earth back from rotating.
Vin Diesel once watched The House of 1000 Corpses, and somehow managed to get those two hours of his life back.
Paradoxically, half of Vin Diesel equals one Vin Diesel. This means that one quarter Vin Diesel also equals one Vin Diesel, and on and on forever. The Vin Diesel that we perceive is the sum total of an infinite amount of Vin Diesels and his powers reflect this.
Vin Diesel once invented a plane with no wings. He put wheels underneath it and called it a train.
When Vin Diesel wishes to mail a letter, he forces it down the throat of the nearest housepet, then hurls the animal in the direction of the recipient's house.
Vin Diesel doesn't like Ping Pong. Nor does he like Indians.
He is made up of smaller, slightly more British Vin Diesels.
When Vin Diesel laughs, the whole world laughs with him. When Vin Diesel kills, the whole world dies.
Vin Diesel once killed a man by flexing his biceps in his general direction.
Guns don't kill people, Vin Diesel kills people. Sometimes with guns.
Vin Diesel does not believe in ghosts. Ghosts believe in him.
Vin Diesel once punched a man so hard, it killed his entire extended family and close friends.
Leap years are caused by Vin Diesel holding the earth back from rotating.
Vin Diesel once watched The House of 1000 Corpses, and somehow managed to get those two hours of his life back.
Paradoxically, half of Vin Diesel equals one Vin Diesel. This means that one quarter Vin Diesel also equals one Vin Diesel, and on and on forever. The Vin Diesel that we perceive is the sum total of an infinite amount of Vin Diesels and his powers reflect this.
Vin Diesel once invented a plane with no wings. He put wheels underneath it and called it a train.
When Vin Diesel wishes to mail a letter, he forces it down the throat of the nearest housepet, then hurls the animal in the direction of the recipient's house.
Vin Diesel doesn't like Ping Pong. Nor does he like Indians.
He is made up of smaller, slightly more British Vin Diesels.
When Vin Diesel laughs, the whole world laughs with him. When Vin Diesel kills, the whole world dies.
Vin Diesel once killed a man by flexing his biceps in his general direction.
Guns don't kill people, Vin Diesel kills people. Sometimes with guns.
Vin Diesel does not believe in ghosts. Ghosts believe in him.
Vin Diesel once punched a man so hard, it killed his entire extended family and close friends.
5.10.2005
Summer Movie Madness
It's now May and the summer flicks are pouring in whetting our appetite for entertainment that requires the least amount of physical energy. We’ve already had Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy paving the way for the rest of the summer movies. Here are the ones I’m most looking forward to:
- Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith (May 19) - I think this is a no-brainer, particularly for me. It’s has the only audience where I seriously feel like I have power over. More so, it's already getting good buzz and dare I say, being compared to Empire Strikes Back. My only concern is what will I do after I see this? There are no more movies to look forward to except those TV shows sure to over-saturate our youth in all things Star Wars.
- Mr. And Mrs. Smith (June 10) - What can I say, I like looking at pretty people and explosions.
- Batman Begins (June 15) - I was a bit skeptical when I found out they were making another Batman movie. Each time I think to myself "This time…this time…it has to be good…" But this one is already promising good things for our Caped Crusader. And I'll take the time now to say nothing sucks about Morgan Freeman.
- War of the Worlds (June 29) - I've officially decided I will watch ANY movie Steven Spielberg puts out. He's made that list. Sure, there have been some disappointments (AI and The Terminal come to mind) but even then they had that Spielberg charm. Call it eye-candy if you like (I know I will) but this film is going to own the box office.
- Charlie and Chocolate Factory (July 15) - Yes, I love Roald Dahl. Yes, I love Tim Burton films (Planet of the Apes did not exist). And yes, I love Johnny Depp.
- The Island (July 22) - If I haven't already mentioned it, I heart Ewan McGregor. If he were to ask me to make babies with him, I would. I mean, he sings, dances AND is a Jedi Knight! And say what you will about Michael Bay movies, they are always fun and action-packed (or encouraging suicide like Pearl Harbor). Plus Scarlett Johannson also graces us with her presence in this action/sci-fi. If she were to ask me also, I might consider making babies with her as well.
- Guilty Pleasure Alert: Bewitched (June 24) - What I originally thought was going to be a straight-up remake that would most likely make fun at itself, turns out to be about something completely different. Will Ferrel can do no wrong in a comedy. I'm not even talking about writing; just put him in front of a camera and promise him snacks after filming and you’ll have comedic gold on your hands.
5.05.2005
Dear Vin Diesel...
Officially the greatest site EVAR!!!
Thanks Adina.
http://www.4q.cc/vin/index.php
Vin Diesel has always been able to find Waldo, except for one time. He found himself stumped on the last page of Where's Waldo Now?, not being able to find the Waldo without a shoe. He threw the book down and screamed, "This is BULLSHIT! They're all wearing shoes." He then proceeded to eat the book and exclaim, "IF I CAN'T FIND WALDO, THEN NO ONE CAN!" The book he ate belonged to a child that he had borrowed it from. The child began to cry and Vin ate him for good measure. The incident has since been referred to as Christmas.
The sensation of déjà vu is actually the vague premonition that Vin Diesel is making love to your biological mother. If you find yourself experiencing déjà vu in the presence of your mother, you are Vin Diesel.
Every time Vin Diesel kills God, a kitten masturbates.
Thanks Adina.
http://www.4q.cc/vin/index.php
Vin Diesel has always been able to find Waldo, except for one time. He found himself stumped on the last page of Where's Waldo Now?, not being able to find the Waldo without a shoe. He threw the book down and screamed, "This is BULLSHIT! They're all wearing shoes." He then proceeded to eat the book and exclaim, "IF I CAN'T FIND WALDO, THEN NO ONE CAN!" The book he ate belonged to a child that he had borrowed it from. The child began to cry and Vin ate him for good measure. The incident has since been referred to as Christmas.
The sensation of déjà vu is actually the vague premonition that Vin Diesel is making love to your biological mother. If you find yourself experiencing déjà vu in the presence of your mother, you are Vin Diesel.
Every time Vin Diesel kills God, a kitten masturbates.
5.04.2005
I could give you lessons...
I've come to my senses,
That I've become senseless,
I could give you lessons on how to ruin your friendships,
Every last conviction, I smoked them all away,
I drank my frustrations down the drain, out of the way,
So I sit and wait and wonder,
"Does anyone else feel like me?"
Someone so tired of their routines and disappearing self-esteems,
I'll sing along,
Yeah with every emergency,
Just sing along,
I'm the king of catastrophies,
I'm so far gone,
That deep down inside I think it's fine by me,
I'm my own worst enemy
I could be an expert on co-dependency,
I could write the best book on underage tragedy,
I've been spending my time at the local liquor store,
I've been sleeping nightly on my best friends kitchen floor,
So I sit and wait and wonder,
"Does anyone else feel like me?"
I'm so overdosed on apathy and put down on sympathy
I'll sing along,
Yeah with every emergency,
Just sing along,
I'm the king of catastrophies,
I'm so far gone,
That deep down inside I think it's fine by me,
I'm my own worst enemy
Let the meaning slip away
Lost my faith in another day,
Self deprication seems okay,
I never thought I'd make it anyway
I'll sing along,
Yeah with every emergency,
Just sing along,
I'm the king of catastrophies,
I'm so far gone,
That deep down inside I think it's fine by me,
I'm my own worst enemy
I'm my own worst enemy
I'm my own worst enemy
I'm my own worst enemy
I'm my own worst enemy
I'm my own worst enemy
Less Than Jake - The Science of Selling Yourself Short
That I've become senseless,
I could give you lessons on how to ruin your friendships,
Every last conviction, I smoked them all away,
I drank my frustrations down the drain, out of the way,
So I sit and wait and wonder,
"Does anyone else feel like me?"
Someone so tired of their routines and disappearing self-esteems,
I'll sing along,
Yeah with every emergency,
Just sing along,
I'm the king of catastrophies,
I'm so far gone,
That deep down inside I think it's fine by me,
I'm my own worst enemy
I could be an expert on co-dependency,
I could write the best book on underage tragedy,
I've been spending my time at the local liquor store,
I've been sleeping nightly on my best friends kitchen floor,
So I sit and wait and wonder,
"Does anyone else feel like me?"
I'm so overdosed on apathy and put down on sympathy
I'll sing along,
Yeah with every emergency,
Just sing along,
I'm the king of catastrophies,
I'm so far gone,
That deep down inside I think it's fine by me,
I'm my own worst enemy
Let the meaning slip away
Lost my faith in another day,
Self deprication seems okay,
I never thought I'd make it anyway
I'll sing along,
Yeah with every emergency,
Just sing along,
I'm the king of catastrophies,
I'm so far gone,
That deep down inside I think it's fine by me,
I'm my own worst enemy
I'm my own worst enemy
I'm my own worst enemy
I'm my own worst enemy
I'm my own worst enemy
I'm my own worst enemy
Less Than Jake - The Science of Selling Yourself Short
Britney and Paris should not be having babies
Babes in Hollywood
The baby-related entertainment news that’s circulating Hollywood
As if little Britney Spearses wasn’t enough, hotel heiress Paris Hilton feels she is ready to make babies and that she’d like to get crackin’ in the next two years.
"I want to have kids in the next two years because I know that completes your life.” Someone should tell Miss Hilton that having children doesn’t mean the last stop of a pub-crawl. She continues, “I've had so much fun, and had a great life. I've accomplished everything that I wanted to accomplish and I think that when I have kids that'll make me happier than I already am." Have you stood in line for the midnight showing of the final Star Wars movie? Well then, let’s not jump the baby-gun here.
Hilton, 24, has been with her beau, Paris Latsis, 22, since last December but feels she is in love and ready for a commitment greater than matching her highlights with her beloved dog, Tinkerbell.
Speaking of dogs (I mean babies), Britney Spears’ positive pregnancy test has allegedly been sold in an auction for charity by a casino website that claims the pregnancy test was found in the garbage of all places of a Los Angeles hotel that the pop singer recently stayed in.
Okay, here a tiny disclaimer that I’m not technically reporting this story except for the mere fact that it is circulating the Internet. Either way, there are two shames here: If true, then shame on the casino website for touching anything that’s had Britney’s urine on it, including Kevin Federline. If false, then shame on imdb.com for posting such a fabricated lie and shame on me for getting all worked up over it.
Again if true, proceeds from the kit will be donated to US charities The Candlelighter's Childhood Cancer Foundation and The Easter Seal Society, which helps disabled children. I think the fact that Britney Spears and Kevin Federline are having children already contributes to disabled children.
The baby-related entertainment news that’s circulating Hollywood
As if little Britney Spearses wasn’t enough, hotel heiress Paris Hilton feels she is ready to make babies and that she’d like to get crackin’ in the next two years.
"I want to have kids in the next two years because I know that completes your life.” Someone should tell Miss Hilton that having children doesn’t mean the last stop of a pub-crawl. She continues, “I've had so much fun, and had a great life. I've accomplished everything that I wanted to accomplish and I think that when I have kids that'll make me happier than I already am." Have you stood in line for the midnight showing of the final Star Wars movie? Well then, let’s not jump the baby-gun here.
Hilton, 24, has been with her beau, Paris Latsis, 22, since last December but feels she is in love and ready for a commitment greater than matching her highlights with her beloved dog, Tinkerbell.
Speaking of dogs (I mean babies), Britney Spears’ positive pregnancy test has allegedly been sold in an auction for charity by a casino website that claims the pregnancy test was found in the garbage of all places of a Los Angeles hotel that the pop singer recently stayed in.
Okay, here a tiny disclaimer that I’m not technically reporting this story except for the mere fact that it is circulating the Internet. Either way, there are two shames here: If true, then shame on the casino website for touching anything that’s had Britney’s urine on it, including Kevin Federline. If false, then shame on imdb.com for posting such a fabricated lie and shame on me for getting all worked up over it.
Again if true, proceeds from the kit will be donated to US charities The Candlelighter's Childhood Cancer Foundation and The Easter Seal Society, which helps disabled children. I think the fact that Britney Spears and Kevin Federline are having children already contributes to disabled children.
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