Googe

It was just pointed out to me by my lovely co-worker Ryan O'Brien that in an attempt to Valentinize the Google main page, they've given us a word that rhymes very much to "Splooge"

Could be the stem is meant to be the "l". To that I say, nice try Googe!

Conversation With the Room Mate

Her: "Battlestar Galactica"?
me: Nope, "Firefly".
Her: Meh, same thing.
me: [gasp]

An Open Letter

Dear Filthy Hippie with Bongo Drum on Streetcar,

Go jump off a boat.

Sincerely,
miVi

That's what I 'said'

I realized that I enjoy using "said" to refer to a previously mentioned item in conversations or emails. Here is a collection of said emails:

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Hope Fashion Week is rocking for the both of you. Just a note that I need some blog material for our site this morning - doesn't have to be epic. According to IT we also experienced some Internet problems last night so the outside world (ie: Blackberrys) was cut off so if you were trying to send something, everything was unavailable

Christopher, Claudia mentioned to me that you were trying to send photos via FTP but were going to try email - I have not received them probably due to said Internet problems

Thanks guys! I know it's probably a hectic week over there but if you can send me something soon… that'd be great!

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It requires a unique login and network password (if you work at CHUM, it would be your email address and network password). If it's someone who does not work at CHUM, they'd need to set up their own account to pick something up. So long story longer - if I send a file (any blank file) to whoever will be uploading, in order for them to pick up said file, they will be prompted to set up their account. I just have to initiate the exchange so to speak.

------------------------------------------
I get this error:
Warning: publishing Stories and Ads only as per site settings
Link Error: The RAW_IMG is too small. The RAW_IMG must be at least 150W x 100H. Parent: Monique Lhuillier Fall Collections 2007 Runway Highlights with uoid 68e95add1832261ae0ca70e6050636613da0a3b0, Child: 5_Highlight_2_Monique_Lhuillier_chumtv.jpg with uoid abc8e6decd602c1829d5d9834c020780c72692af, Link: RAW_IMG
Link Error: Check your recent link actions
Could not publish site FashionTelevision Video Library
Could not publish FashionTelevision Video Library to Staging

I've resized and re-uploaded said image and it still comes up with this error. Am I missing something?

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From others:
If you are in need of any office supplies (be it pens, binders, paperclips, or even the occasional sedative) please send me an email letting me know what you need, how much and, if need be, colour and/or size. If you do not send me an email but rather drop by my desk to relay said info…said item will not be ordered. Why? Because chaos and I do not get along but the paper trail is my best friend. -- Emma

kat - fry me a liver says:
i must hear said chair
go clear your throat and bedazzle something, why dontcha?
i've got WORK to do -- Kat

#2: Stranger Than Fiction

Directed by Marc Forster
Starring Will Ferrell, Emma Thompson and Dustin Hoffman
An IRS auditor suddenly finds himself the subject of narration only he can hear: narration that begins to affect his entire life, from his work, to his love-interest, to his death.

This film is charming, funny, heartwarming, touching and sweet. Will Ferrell proves he can play serious characters but maintain his comedic charm. And Emma Thompson and Dustin Hoffman? Oh come on, they're fabulous no matter what they do.

I won't bore you with what worked in this film because it all did. The cast was excellent. The visuals were great. The premise and story were interesting blah blah blah. But I will point out the sub-character/love interest that was Maggie Gyllenhaal who played the baker Ana Pascal. Her nugget of story (excluding the tax audit bit) was she used to attend law school and during her study nights with fellow law students, she would bake cookies, cupcakes and any delightful treat. It started innocently as a late night study snack but seeing how happy it made her classmates, she would bake every time. Then it hit her: she'd rather be doing something that made people happy and something she enjoyed doing and therefore left law school and eventually openned her own bakery. Sounds pretty sweet to me... all except the tax audit bit.

#3: Superman Returns

Directed by Bryan Singer
Starring Brandon Routh, Kate Bosworth and Kevin Spacey
After a long visit to the lost remains of the planet Krypton, the Man of Steel returns to earth to become the peoples savior once again and reclaim the love of Lois Lane.

What's this? A blockbuster made it to my list? Hey, I'm not one of those people who turn their nose down on a film because it grossed $391 million worldwide. If a movie rocked my world and the world of many others, how can it sucked?

Permission to geek out.

This film was awesome! What could have easily been a disaster (X-Men 3, I'm looking at you) was a such a great add-on to an already established franchise (and no, I am not counting Superman III or IV which just adds more credit to this movie). It had subtle and not-so subtle references to Superman I and II as well as "The Death of Superman", Brandon Routh shared the mannerisms of Christopher Reeve that made Clark Kent Clark Kent, Superman looked so idealistically unreal, there is an total "mark-out" scene involving an airplane and a baseball stadium - what more could you ask for?

Bryan Singer knows how to make a comic book movie.

#4: Clerks 2

Directed by Kevin Smith
Starring Brian O'Halloran, Jeff Anderson and Rosario Dawson
Free from his dead-end job (and lodged in a new one), Dante begins to break free of his rut, planning to move away and get married, but Randal - always the more hostile of the two - starts to become overwhelmed by his own rancor.

I read this interview with Kevin Smith recently where he's asked who would he be more of, Dante or Randal. He states in the first one he identifies with Dante - the guy stuck in a dead-end job always wanting more but failing to "shit or get off the pot". And it was the Randal character who he wanted to be. But when he wrote Clerks 2, the view kinda shifts. Though Dante is the one who is closer to Smith as in he is thinking about family, marriage etc (though still failing the "shit or get off the pot" mentality), it is Randal whom he relates to more. The frustration of when did everything change, when did the status quo change? Why do I feel so left out, why do I feel so behind the times and shit?

When Clerks 2 came out, I was pretty much expecting the same repetoire of dirty jokes (with a splash of inter-species erotica) plus his usual point of view on pop culture but with current references - and it had all that. But, and dare I say, it also had heart. It had a bigger task to perform - showing growth in both the characters (particularly the former "trusty comic-relief sidekick" Randal) and the writer/director, Smith himself. It needed to follow up on a cult hit film without necessarily being a cult hit film. Clerks 2 won't be remembered the way Clerks was and is, but it was the appropriate sequel - beginning in Smith's budget black and white and ending with it.

#5: The Queen

Directed by Stephen Frears

Starring Helen Mirren, Michael Sheen and James Cromwell

An intimate and fictitious behind the scenes glimpse at the interaction between HM Elizabeth II and Prime Minister Tony Blair during their struggle, following the death of Diana.

Slow-paced but far from boring. The characters were actually human and not headline names. And Helen Mirren eerily embodied Queen Elizabeth. The movie tastefully incorporated Princess Diana's death without exploiting it more than it already has by not focusing on the night she died, just the days following it and the people around and also not showing the children's faces.

Don't think I have much more to say about this one. To be honest, I think I'm just boning up to write about movie pick #4. In any case, The Queen is very good and you should watch it. My room mate's boyfriend refuses to watch it because it looks boring. It really isn't as dry as you'd expect it to be. Quite the contrary, it's the human aspect of all the characters from the Queen to Tony Blair to Prince Charles and Prince Philip and even the Queen Mum that make this film so compelling and interesting.

#6: Pan's Labyrinth

Directed by Guillermo del Toro
Starring Ivana Baquero, Sergi López and Maribel Verdú
The story of a young girl who travels with her pregnant mother to live with her mother's new husband and Captain, in a rural area up North in Spain, 1944. Post-war Fascist repression is at its height in rural Spain and the girl must come to terms with that through an imaginative fable of her own.

Hearing this movie was graphic and difficult to watch, I was still intrigued because I love fairy tales. I have an appreciation for them because a) they are written by adults for children and b) sometimes they are not for children. This one is not for children. Despite its violent and graphic nature, I was ready to watch this movie thinking the most violent and graphic content would be during the fantasy sequence though I will still anticipate those scenes because the "reality" part of the story would be boring and dull - an escape from reality if you will. This was half true. I looked forward to the fantasy scenes because it was the reality side that was more frightening, more graphic and more uncomfortable to watch - a definite escape from reality.

Sergei López as the Captain was so terrifying that I would choose to face off against a baby-eating, wormlike monster with his eyes in the palms of his hands any day over the chance of bumping into Captain Vidal in the hallway of my so-called home. And our protagonist is simple: an innocent little girl in a not-so-innocent world. Watch this film... but be prepared to uncomfortably place that hand loosely over your eyes from time to time.

#7: Children of Men

Directed by Alfonso Cuaron
Starring Clive Owen
In the chaotic not-so-distant future, where humans can no longer procreate, a former activist agrees to help transport a miraculously pregnant woman to a sanctuary at sea, where her child's birth may help scientists save the future of humankind.

This film was very gritty, very rough and somewhat raw - and it was effective. I remembered when indie film directors (Tarantino and Smith, I'm looking at you) used hand-held cameras a lot in 1994, but eventually it got tiresome (circa 1998). But when you get a taste of it now from time to time in doses, you remember why it worked in the first place. Example (though not about this movie but about a movie by Alfonso Cuaron) in Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, that one scene in the beginning that was shot with a hand-held was refreshing, particularly because the other films were by Chris Colombus and conventionally shot. With Children of Men, it felt like the whole movie was shot hand-held. This added to the atmosphere, creating discomfort and some nausea - though it may not sound like it, but that is a good thing in establishing its mood.

And if I may brush on Clive Owen's character, Theo - he was much more human than I was expecting, providing mild laughs in an otherwise depressing yet uplifting film.

#8: Curious George

Directed by Matthew O'Callahan
Starring the voice talents of Will Ferrell, Drew Barrymore, Dick Van Dyke, David Cross and Frank Welker (he's done A LOT, including the voice of Abu from "Aladdin")
When the Man in the Yellow Hat (named Ted) tries to save the museum he works at from being turned into a parking garage, he forms a special kinship with the curious little monkey that followed him from Africa.

Okay, I know what you're thinking: What is this movie doing on this list? Well, let me axe you a question: Do you like to smile? 'Cause I do! So therefore, this movie made the list! This monkey will make you smile. This film will make you smile and if you don't, clearly you have no soul.

Also, I gotta say, I appreciate the 2-D animation. Instead of eff'n up a childhood memory (*cough cough* Garfield), this film was very reminiscent of the books I grew up with. Sure they gave The Man in the Yellow Hat a name but I guess without a narrator, it wouldn't make much sense for the other characters to be constantly calling him "The Man in the Yellow Hat" - he could develop quite the complex growing up like that.

Anyway, the movie was funny and cute. 'Nuff said.

#9: Brick

Directed by Rian Johnson
Starring Joseph Gordon-Levitt
A teenage loner pushes his way into the underworld of a high school crime ring to investigate the disappearance of his ex-girlfriend.

I’d say this is “Dawson’s Creek” meets Hitchcock but attaching the name “Dawson’s Creek” would be insulting. My point is it was teenagers not talking or acting like they should. The tagline for this film is “A detective story” – but had this not been pointed out to me, the 1940s-esque film noir, “who dunnit?” talk might have been lost on me and I might have been turned off on the whole idea all together. Instead, it works on many levels; afterall the dialogue adds to mood, setting, theme etc.

Oh and yes, that is Tommy from “3rd Rock From the Sun” – baby’s all growns up! And also has an edge I wasn’t expecting from that character. He has the appearance of a timid, lonely teenage boy but really is not afraid to back up his words with actions and will do so. Dare I say, Tommy got cool.

#10: An Inconvenient Truth

Directed by Davis Guggenheim
Starring Al Gore
A documentary on Al Gore's campaign to make the issue of global warming a recognized problem worldwide.

What I liked most of this film was the class lecture hall way of getting information across. I know, that doesn't sound like much of a documentary but it did get its point across. No slick charisma. No guerrilla camera crew. Just facts. It took me back to school - with slides, graphs and charts and it accomplished what it set out to do: educate.

Though the film sticks to solid facts, it also looks at Al Gore's personal feelings on the matter; his campaign to reverse the effects of global warming, in hopes to invote the audience to do that same. Though I didn't share the same reflections as Gore in those little interludes between lectures, I did feel a personal awe in the effects the subject matter had on this earth and to me, combined with the charts and such, and the personal reflections, made the point all the more clearer. And if by the end of the movie you're feeling despair or fear, the move tells you exactly what you need to do... how many more clear can you be?

Unless you're a sly email writer like Mr. Ian Morrison... who?

The miVi Top Ten Films of 2006 - an introduction

There was a time when I used to watch a movie at least once a week. There really wasn't a lot to do in Thunder Bay if you're not into bowling, hunting or muddin'. But never have I thought of compiling my favourites of the year until now despite that I really haven't seen a whole lot of films in 2006 (I think I'm at 31). Why now you ask? I'm not sure. Could be that the few I did see had a profound effect on me. The kind of effect that, though the movie may not have been the greatest film of all time, refused to leave my head days later.

Some films that didn't make the cut though were very enjoyable:
Casino Royale
Happy Feet (yes Happy Feet)
The Prestige









Some films that made me want to hurt enfants:
Eragon
X-Men 3
Pirates of the Carribean: Dead Man's Chest

So, with that cleared up, the following posts will discuss what I consider the Best of 2006. These aren't necessarily going to be the movies I think everyone should watch. It's very hard to do that considering I haven't seen every movie this year nor do I have the same taste as everyone. I am not going to explain or review these from an objective point of view (I mean for crying out loud... Clerks 2 is somewhere on this list!)

A Collection of Thumbs Up, Thumbs Down (mainly downs)

Brought to you by the good people of Thunder Bay

THUMBS Down to the City of Thunder Bay “for refusing to clean blood off my stairwell and door after two unknown stabbing victims tried to enter my house early Tuesday morning. The city refused on the basis that it is residential property. I was forced to clean the areas myself and could have been exposed to various health hazards. It was especially upsetting to my young son who had to witness the blood stains while leaving to go to school. Shame on you!”

ON Dec. 19 at 11 p.m., at the corner of Churchill Drive and James Street, an orange Pontiac Sunfire with four teenagers inside pulled up alongside me, rolled down their windows and egged my vehicle. They sped off and I was stunned and unable to get a plate number. Merry Christmas and thanks for the mess that froze on my brand new Trailblazer. Happy Holidays.”

THUMBS Up to our readers who support this corner with submissions. Whether small or substantial, they share daily bits of city life that showcase the best, and worst, of our neighbours. Hopefully, the latter, and those who might identify with them, can learn that human kindness and consideration is a far better characteristic than carelessness. Much more important are the examples set by those who are recognized for their selflessness by those who take the time to do so. We are happy to provide a forum for all readers’ opinions and look forward to many more of them. Merry Christmas.

Dec 23

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THUMBS Down to the person(s) who dumped a box of moose bones and carcass on the 20th Side Road (between Riverdale & Hwy. 61). Thumbs Up to a couple of good Samaritans (Bill and Roy) who walk the 20th Side Road each day and cleaned up those old bones!

Dec 2

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THUMBS Down “to the person who stole the gravestone out of the car parked at a Bay and Algoma business. It wasn’t a Halloween decoration, it was a real headstone for someone’s beloved family pet. Maybe you didn’t realize its importance or maybe you’ve found your conscience. If so, than return it to anyone who works at the same business and they would be more than happy to return it to its rightful owner!”

Nov 4

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THUMBS Down to the person who broke a raw egg over my car Friday night, Oct. 20. The next time you have eggs that you don’t need, please take them to the Thunder Bay Food Bank at 129 E. Miles St., where the volunteers can give them to people who need food to eat, not to perform acts of vandalism in the dark of night!

Oct 28

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THUMBS Down from this reader “to all of the people who use this forum to complain about useless crap. Get a life!”

Oct 14

Phone Conversation With My Married Sister

Me: To tell you the truth, couples have been annoying the hell out of me lately.

Her: To tell you the truth, I'm a little sick of them too.

Cleaning Up and Moving On!

Ever have one of those mornings when after you take your routine shower and clean yourself up and are ready to head out the door for work, you are suddenly struck with the need to take a crap. So you journey to the washroom, excrete any excrements that seem to have been clogging your lower intestines and then give your ass a sturdy and thorough wipe. But on the streetcar to work your asshole is feeling itchy and you know you did not wipe as well as you hoped. The ride to work seems longer than usual as you anticipate scurrying off to the washroom when you get there just to remove any irritating remnents of fecal matter. And once you do give that final stamp of approval; that good, clean wipe, you know you can finally start the day feeling fresh and with confidence.

Ladies and gentlemen, today is the day Britney Spears finally wiped that clinging piece of shit from her asshole.

Just over two years, Kevin Federline managed to stay in the limelight longer than most would expect from a backup dancer (J-Lo excluded). During this time, he managed to squeeze 2 children (one-year-old Sean Preston and two-month-old Jayden James), a record deal, a reality show and any remaining dignity from the pop princess. Britney finally filed for divorce citing "irreconcilable differences." Translation: he's a fucking douchebag!

Now Britney has petitioned for full custody of their children granting Federline reasonable visitation rights and is waiving any spousal support. From him?... No kidding.

Meanwhile, while all this was coming to light (though who among us didn't smell this coming from a mile away like the cheeseburger stains on Federline's pant that a formerly insane Britney Spears left - ahhh, 2004 and 2005, where did you go?), King PopoZao was in Toronto co-hosting M.O.D and proving he is not Mr. Britney Spears. News Flash: wish granted.

Spears started her comeback with a "surprise" appearance on The Late Show with David Letterman looking slim, healthy and without that 170 lbs. tumour that's been plaguing her career for the past 2 years.

So Britney will be doing as her ex so eloquently put:

"I'm bringing sexy back."

Sleep with one eye open

Say your prayers little one
Don't forget, my son
To include everyone

Tuck you in, warm within
Keep you free from sin
Till the sandman he comes

Sleep with one eye open
Gripping your pillow tight

Exit light
Enter night
Take my hand
Off to never never land

Something's wrong, shut the light
Heavy thoughts tonight
And they aren't of snow white

Dreams of war, dreams of liars
Dreams of dragons fire
And of things that will bite

Sleep with one eye open
Gripping your pillow tight

Exit light
Enter night
Take my hand
Off to never never land

Now I lay me down to sleep
Pray the lord my soul to keep
If I die before I wake
Pray the lord my soul to take

Hush little baby, dont say a word
And never mind that noise you heard
Its just the beast under your bed,
In your closet, in your head

Exit light
Enter night
Grain of sand

Exit light
Enter night
Take my hand
We're off to never never land

-- "Enter Sandman" by Metallica
This one goes out to Big Brother Eric who, in his pre-pastor mode, was a huge Metallica fan and let's face it... still is :)

The BOO-YAH Summer Movie Review

Allow me to explain my method of madness... BOO means I didn't like it and YAH means I did. There may be some grey area in which it gets a BOO.

The Da Vinci Code (May 19) - BOO
Hmmm... ya.

Over the Hedge (May 19) - YAH
Very cute.

X-Men 3: The Last Stand (May 26) - BOO
Shudder! By far the worst film I saw in theaters this summer!
[puke]
As a sidebar, read Joss Whedon's The Astonishing X-Men - that is what this movie should've been.

Cars (June 9) - BOO
The problem (well, one of the many problems) with this one is it focused on premise over story ie: a world of talking cars! Imagine the toyline on this one! And then when they tried to squeeze in a story (one appealing to adults) it got too complicated and sentimental. If your subject matter is going to be talking cars, then make your target audience ONLY CHILDREN - the parents will watch because their kids are watching (God willing). You don't have to overly win them over. You already got their money.

The Inconvenient Truth (June 16) - YAH
What I liked about this one was that it really was like being in a lecture hall and I am learning about global warming and the harms our Earth has gone under. What gives it that personal touch from Al Gore were those brief interludes of his personal reflection. I say brief because any more would've been a 2-hour long haiku about saving the planet. In stead it focused on the facts and actually tells you what to do and how you can help.

Superman Returns (June 28) - YAH
Eff'n amazing.

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest (July 7) - BOO
AKA: The Johnny Depp/Jack Sparrow Show - please end.
This was a close second to the worst film of the summer.

Clerks 2 (July 21) - YAH
What I was expecting to be a retelling of the original Clerks but with up-to-date pop culture references (though I knew I'd still enjoy it for what it's worth), turned out to be a film with more heart and thought (despite the donkey-fucking part... that simply had a donkey being fucked). As much fun as Jay and Silent Bob Strikes Back was, this was the true finale to the View Askew Verse. It started with Clerks and thus ended with Clerks.

Little Miss Sunshine (July 26) - YAH
This is the charming feel good flick of the year. You'll fall in love with the little girl and more often than not, it avoids cliches. Don't have much more to say about it except I saw it twice in theaters and didn't regret it.

Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby (Aug 4) - BOO
Definitely had its funny LOL moments though obviously not as good or funny as Anchorman.

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Honourable Mention:
Stranger Than Fiction (to be release in Nov '06) - YAH
This is my first Toronto Film Fest Flick I've seen and I wasn't disappointed. It's a great film with a great cast (Will Ferrell doesn't fall prey to being a funny add lib man who's always on). The film is charming, funny, heartwarming, touching and sweet.

When I see you cry

When you first left me
I was wanting more
But you were f**king that girl next door
What'cha do that for? (What'cha do that for?)

When you first left me
I didnt know what to say
I'd never been on my own that way
Just sat by myself all day

I was so lost back then
But with a little help from my friends
I found the light in the tunnel at the end

Now you're calling me up on the phone
So you can have a little whine and a moan
It's only because you are feeling alone

At first when I see you cry
It makes me smile
Yeah it makes me smile
At worst I feel bad for a while
But then I just smile
I go ahead and smile

Whenever you see me
You say that you want me back (Want me back)
And I tell you it don't mean that (It don't mean that)
No it don't mean that (No it don't mean that)

I couldn't stop laughing
No I just couldn't help myself
See you messed up my mental health
I was quite unwell

I was so lost back then
But with a little help from my friends
I found the light in the tunnel at the end

Now you're calling me up on the phone
So you can have a little whine and a moan
It's only because you're feeling alone

At first when I see you cry
It makes me smile
Yeah it makes me smile
At worst I feel bad for a while
But then I just smile
I go ahead and smile

Lalala lalala lalala lalala lalala
lalala lalala lalala lalala lalala
lalala lalala lalala

At first when I see you cry (When I see you cry)
It makes me smile (It makes me smile)
Yeah it makes me smile (Yeah it makes me smile)

At worst I feel bad for a while (I feel bad for a while)
But then I just smile (But then I just smile)
I go ahead and smile (I go ahead and smile)

lalala lalala lalala lalala lalala

At first when I see you cry (When I see you cry)
It makes me smile (It makes me smile)
Yeah it makes me smile (Yeah it makes me smile)

At worst I feel bad for a while (I feel bad for a while)
But then I just smile (But then I just smile)
I go ahead and smile (I go ahead and smile)

-- "Smile" by Lily Allen