Cleaning Up and Moving On!

Ever have one of those mornings when after you take your routine shower and clean yourself up and are ready to head out the door for work, you are suddenly struck with the need to take a crap. So you journey to the washroom, excrete any excrements that seem to have been clogging your lower intestines and then give your ass a sturdy and thorough wipe. But on the streetcar to work your asshole is feeling itchy and you know you did not wipe as well as you hoped. The ride to work seems longer than usual as you anticipate scurrying off to the washroom when you get there just to remove any irritating remnents of fecal matter. And once you do give that final stamp of approval; that good, clean wipe, you know you can finally start the day feeling fresh and with confidence.

Ladies and gentlemen, today is the day Britney Spears finally wiped that clinging piece of shit from her asshole.

Just over two years, Kevin Federline managed to stay in the limelight longer than most would expect from a backup dancer (J-Lo excluded). During this time, he managed to squeeze 2 children (one-year-old Sean Preston and two-month-old Jayden James), a record deal, a reality show and any remaining dignity from the pop princess. Britney finally filed for divorce citing "irreconcilable differences." Translation: he's a fucking douchebag!

Now Britney has petitioned for full custody of their children granting Federline reasonable visitation rights and is waiving any spousal support. From him?... No kidding.

Meanwhile, while all this was coming to light (though who among us didn't smell this coming from a mile away like the cheeseburger stains on Federline's pant that a formerly insane Britney Spears left - ahhh, 2004 and 2005, where did you go?), King PopoZao was in Toronto co-hosting M.O.D and proving he is not Mr. Britney Spears. News Flash: wish granted.

Spears started her comeback with a "surprise" appearance on The Late Show with David Letterman looking slim, healthy and without that 170 lbs. tumour that's been plaguing her career for the past 2 years.

So Britney will be doing as her ex so eloquently put:

"I'm bringing sexy back."