America’s sweethearts become an American statistic
You mean to tell me televising your marriage and constantly partying and getting trashed ISN’T the way to fortify a marriage? Being America’s eye candy just got worse as Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson finally filed for divorce according to Us Weekly.
Rumours of this inevitable split have been skimming the front page of tabloids and college boys’ wet dreams for some time. Back in May, E! Online reported the papers were signed but retracted that statement faster than the other members of 98 Degrees can say, “Wanna get back together?”
Reasons for the split (get ready to put on your sarcastic shocked face here) include the ever-controlling Daddy Joe Simpson and the diva formerly known as Jessica Simpson. Nick also couldn’t abide her other husband, Jack Daniels who, like their marriage, was also on the rocks.
Seems like another guy has lost his woman to the young, glamorous life of partying. If Jessica gets lonely, Paris will be there to comfort her, and I’m pretty sure Tara Reid is there too lying face down in a pool of her own vomit – don’t worry, she’s an excellent listener.
Apparently an official statement will be released later this month to milk the last bit of this doomed relationship. As well, I’m sure, loyal viewers of MTV’s Newlyweds are waiting to hear what will become of that lonely half-hour. Until then, party on Jessica. Party on Paris. Mhgphhhm Tara.
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