8.20.2005
Remember Vin?
The man we know as Vin Diesel is in fact a spiritual manifestation used to channel the voice of Vin, in a similar manner of the Metatron. Hearing Vin Diesel's real voice would not only cause your head to cave in and your heart to explode, but the very words would take the rest of your body, body slam it, throw it into a chair, and uppercut it all the way to the Phillippines.
8.17.2005
PWN3D!
Mariah Carey PWN3D by Eminem
A furious Carey gets mocked at one of Eminem’s shows
Poor Mariah. There was a time when she was a respectable artist with a beautiful, soulful voice. A force to be reckoned with in the world of R&B. Okay, she still has the voice but with it she’s added floatation devices to her chest that probably would’ve come in handy during the sinking of the Titanic, smaller clothing equivalent to Adam and Eve hiding behind a fig leaf, a nervous breakdown because girls wearing less than her were stealing her thunder, a drawn-on six-pack on her abs that would make He-Man cower into his tub of ice cream with Cringer, and photo ops with a crippled homeless man as though posing beside a cardboard cutout of David Hasselhoff.
And now begging Eminem to call her!
Pagesix.com reports the pop singer allegedly left a voice mail for the rapper back in 2001 when he worked on Carey’s Charmbracelet album. Eminem took it upon himself to play the message in front of his audience during his Anger Management tour. What he was doing working on her album; I have no idea.
The message is as follows:
"I heard you were getting back with your ex-wife. Why won't you see me? Why won't you call me? You're not calling me."
The rapper then pretended to vomit into a prop toilet on stage and launched into his song Puke that features the lines “you make me sick.”
Is it wrong that I find this funny? Aside from the ridiculous begging on a voice mail message…you want him to call you? The guy wrote a song about putting his pregnant Dido into the trunk of a car? That guy there? The guy who no doubt is admired and an inspiration to the likes of Kevin Federline – you know, minus the ambition and earned wealth and well … talent. And by “talent” I mean job. Him? I’d say Mariah can do better but she did have a video where she got revenge against the fat kid from Stand By Me (Jerry O’Connell, look it up).
A furious Carey gets mocked at one of Eminem’s shows
Poor Mariah. There was a time when she was a respectable artist with a beautiful, soulful voice. A force to be reckoned with in the world of R&B. Okay, she still has the voice but with it she’s added floatation devices to her chest that probably would’ve come in handy during the sinking of the Titanic, smaller clothing equivalent to Adam and Eve hiding behind a fig leaf, a nervous breakdown because girls wearing less than her were stealing her thunder, a drawn-on six-pack on her abs that would make He-Man cower into his tub of ice cream with Cringer, and photo ops with a crippled homeless man as though posing beside a cardboard cutout of David Hasselhoff.
And now begging Eminem to call her!
Pagesix.com reports the pop singer allegedly left a voice mail for the rapper back in 2001 when he worked on Carey’s Charmbracelet album. Eminem took it upon himself to play the message in front of his audience during his Anger Management tour. What he was doing working on her album; I have no idea.
The message is as follows:
"I heard you were getting back with your ex-wife. Why won't you see me? Why won't you call me? You're not calling me."
The rapper then pretended to vomit into a prop toilet on stage and launched into his song Puke that features the lines “you make me sick.”
Is it wrong that I find this funny? Aside from the ridiculous begging on a voice mail message…you want him to call you? The guy wrote a song about putting his pregnant Dido into the trunk of a car? That guy there? The guy who no doubt is admired and an inspiration to the likes of Kevin Federline – you know, minus the ambition and earned wealth and well … talent. And by “talent” I mean job. Him? I’d say Mariah can do better but she did have a video where she got revenge against the fat kid from Stand By Me (Jerry O’Connell, look it up).
8.15.2005
Hollywood gossip
Rumoured relationships, fake relationships, Godly relationships
Vince Vaughn slams Aniston rumours
Okay, this may be redundant news but actor Vince Vaughn finally put his foot down on rumours that he and newly divorcee Jennifer Aniston are romantically involved. The Wedding Crashers star flat out said he is "addicted to one-night stands" and could not be in a serious relationship restricting him to just one woman.
He is also furious that people would think he’d take advantage of the 36-year-old former Friends star so shortly after her high profile divorce. No offense, but if you're "addicted to one-night stands," why wouldn't you jump into that vulnerable bowl of poo-tang?
Hartnett + Carlson = FAKE
Nip/Tuck star Kelly Carlson revealed her relationship with heartthrob Josh Hartnett was fake. The actress admits she was manipulated to pretend the pair was dating for a Teen People shoot as a publicity stunt. Umm, Kelly who?
Just a rule of thumb, in order for a publicity stunt to be a publicity stunt, the public should know about it. Tom Cruise and his public love affair with that waif is a publicity stunt. Some actress dating a sub-par actor, whose voice is too low for his face, is not. And FYI, I don’t think it worked.
They are apparently just good friends and Hartnett is currently dating Scarlett Johansson…maybe, who knows with these kids?
Matt Damon as The Godfather
Long time best bud Matt Damon will stop at nothing to be Ben Affleck and wife Jennifer Garner’s expected child’s godfather. Damon has promised to lavish the baby with gifts. He says, "He'd be smart to give me that job, I'd spoil that kid rotten." That makes sense to me; afterall he is Ben’s first wife. Or perhaps he wants to use lines like this:
"You like apples? I’m the baby's godfather! How do you like them apples?"
Vince Vaughn slams Aniston rumours
Okay, this may be redundant news but actor Vince Vaughn finally put his foot down on rumours that he and newly divorcee Jennifer Aniston are romantically involved. The Wedding Crashers star flat out said he is "addicted to one-night stands" and could not be in a serious relationship restricting him to just one woman.
He is also furious that people would think he’d take advantage of the 36-year-old former Friends star so shortly after her high profile divorce. No offense, but if you're "addicted to one-night stands," why wouldn't you jump into that vulnerable bowl of poo-tang?
Hartnett + Carlson = FAKE
Nip/Tuck star Kelly Carlson revealed her relationship with heartthrob Josh Hartnett was fake. The actress admits she was manipulated to pretend the pair was dating for a Teen People shoot as a publicity stunt. Umm, Kelly who?
Just a rule of thumb, in order for a publicity stunt to be a publicity stunt, the public should know about it. Tom Cruise and his public love affair with that waif is a publicity stunt. Some actress dating a sub-par actor, whose voice is too low for his face, is not. And FYI, I don’t think it worked.
They are apparently just good friends and Hartnett is currently dating Scarlett Johansson…maybe, who knows with these kids?
Matt Damon as The Godfather
Long time best bud Matt Damon will stop at nothing to be Ben Affleck and wife Jennifer Garner’s expected child’s godfather. Damon has promised to lavish the baby with gifts. He says, "He'd be smart to give me that job, I'd spoil that kid rotten." That makes sense to me; afterall he is Ben’s first wife. Or perhaps he wants to use lines like this:
"You like apples? I’m the baby's godfather! How do you like them apples?"
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